Freitag, 20. Januar 2012

Voices

This one's a bit of an experiment. Wanted to try stream of consciousness once. Found it difficult to have no punctuation or structure but I just kept writing for a while trying not to edit. Would have worked better if I wrote in German I guess because in English I have to stop and think or look up things from time to time. Anyway...here's my piece for the Trifecta Writing Challenge. The word was "sway" as a noun meaning : a. a controlling influence b. sovereign power: dominion c. the ability to exercise influence or authority: dominance // Had to edit a couple of words out because I was over the limit. Now it's 333. ;)


Can’t he just shut the fuck up I get so pissed at him sometimes hate being such a loser not able to stand up to him nevermind it’s incredible how little it takes a moment’s struggle wriggling I hate the wriggling and kicking hate that well couple of minutes and then silence settles I hate how he still holds sway over me and that voice can’t stand it shrill no that’s not a good word piercing sharp like a damn razor blade bastard made me cut myself again and he knows I can’t stand the bleeding makes me sick fuck I need to close those eyes she’s staring I hate when they stare goddamn prying bastards nosy broad stared probably deserved it funny how easy it is wonder what it feels like I’ve heard there are people get off on it makes you light-headed and all he’s right this one asked for it pretty one too like the hair kind of girlie with the bangs and all but she shouldn’t have tried to listen in right knew she had it coming this one he doesn’t like when they are trying to spy on us when they stare and all that they can hear and then they know this a dark place don’t want nobody to see but I like the sounds all that coughing and gagging when you dig your thumbs into the suprasternal notch had to look that one up so soft delicate makes you just want to bring your hands round and press your thumbs into that hollow could do without the sputtering and the tongue damn you shut up shut the fuck up get out of my head you sick fuck damn look at her sprawled out tongue popped out gotta do something about it gotta get out of here can’t have them find me why does he make me do these things shhh quiet now gotta run get out this the last time you hear me the last time!

Kommentare:

  1. This must have been very cathartic to get out. Sometimes I have a running dialogue in my head much like this.

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    1. I long wanted to try stream of consciousness, so this was quite an experience. Writing without editing is very hard for me. I'm a bit of a nit picker. Thanks, Tara.

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  2. whew! cathartic is a great word for this, Tara. Suprasternal, eh? Gonna have to look that one up myself. :)

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    1. I remembered that from "The English Patient"...I looked it up because in the film the question is raised what you call that hollow. :) Thank you.

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  3. Thank you for joining us for this week's Trifecta Writing Challenge. Your stream-of-consciousness and lack of punctuation made for an interesting read. I had to pay close attention to try to sort out the breaks and pauses, but I think that, given the subject matter, it's an apt structure. I found this incredibly creepy. Nicely done. Come back on Monday for the new prompt, ok?

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    1. Will do. I hope to find the time and necessary inspiration. :) I thought with the stream of consciousness and having to find out where there are breaks and where the MC voice and his "second voice" overlap it sounded very creepy. I was a bit worried about myself there. Don't know what it says about me... ;)

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  4. Wow! That was intense. I kept wondering who 'he' was, if 'he' was a real person or an alternate personality. I, too, have the constant chatter in my head some days. (Though I've never had the problem of having killed somebody). I loved the level of description here.

    Also, on an unrelated note, I LOVE commenting on your blog, because I love clicking Veroffentilichen. The only word in there I can understand is "lichen" and that's moss. I know perfectlywell that it just means 'post' or "submit" or 'verify' or something along those lines, but I imagine clicking moss.

    (Yes, I'm easily amused.)

    Oh -- and I love having a nutzername instead of a user name.

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  5. Yes, I find it hard to shut myself up - like when I try meditation but as far as I know there's only one of me and I have never killed anyone (if flies and bugs don't count). I didn't know the buttons appeared in German for you guys, too. "Veröffentlichen" means to publish (öffentlich = public). But I like the idea of a moss-covered button. On the other hand...I hope my buttons here won't grow moss because people keep clicking them. :D I'll have a look at the settings though. Hate to take away your moss but I think maybe the German language buttons could scare some people off. Like they don't dare to comment because they don't know what they're clicking. "Veröffentlichen" could mean "Erase hard drive". ;)

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    1. Not in a bad way I hope... I was very tempted to add punctuation but I understand that you don't use punctuation in stream of consciousness. Reading it stresses me out, too.

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  7. This is like riding strapped to the top of the bullet train. Thanks for the awesome ride.

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